Buy a Cheap Red Toaster and Change Your Life! 10 ‘Unusual’ ways to get the most(a) from your toaster

If you want to buy a cheap red toaster for your own use in your brand new shiny kitchen, or maybe as a wedding gift (let’s face it, newlyweds can never have enough toasters!) you want to know that you’re getting good value.

And you are getting value, as I’ll explain in a moment… but if you just can’t wait you can buy one right now:

US customers can browse and buy HERE and

UK customers can browse and buy HERE

(Note that all orders are fulfilled through Amazon to ensure the best possible service.)

Towards the end of the post I offer you my advice on purchasing a toaster but to start with I thought I’d have a little fun. Bear with me if you wouldn’t mind as I take a quick detour…

So anyway, most people think that a toaster is just for browning bread or heating up those truly awful Pop Tart things, but I think they can be put to more interesting uses.

You see, I believe that everything that comes into my house needs to have a dual purpose. It has to be or do more than one thing, and in these financially tight times I imagine you feel the same way.

2 Slot or 4 Slot

So yes you want a toaster, probably the two slot variety (maybe 4 slots if you’re greedy or have a big family), and you want to have some basic but reliable functionality.

You’re going to need a browning control so that you can get the toast browned in accordance with your preferences. White bread and brown bread toast at different rates owing to the moisture content (but you probably already knew that).

And other than that you may want a defrost function and maybe a cancel button in case you get an urgent twitter message you absolutely must respond to. After all, you don’t want your kitchen filled with burnt toast smell.

Why Red?

What a silly question. What other color would you chose for a toaster!! Seriously, red is best.

Alternative uses for your new toaster

Here’s my Top Ten list of Tremendous Toaster Uses

1. As a weapon
Just imagine you’re making some toast when some guy breaks in to your house hell bent on robbing you of your Seville orange marmalade that you had specially flown in from Spain at huge cost. You’d be rightly entitled to defend yourself and your expensive marmalade. Photo CC

Unplug the toaster and use it as some sort of flail or bolas. Give it a few twirls around your head and then aim it at his. If he has any sense he’ll duck out of the way, avoiding being struck by the heat diffusing cool touch casing – thinking himself lucky he didn’t get hit and feeling reassured that even if he had been, he wouldn’t have got burnt.

2. As a cat toy
If you can’t afford a little fabric mouse to put on a string and drag across the floor, use the toaster. Again, the cord or flex is long enough that you can be just out of sight as you drag the toaster along the floor in-front of kitty who will delight you by pouncing upon it.

3. As a very bad yo-yo
Try and bounce the toaster up and down on the cable a few times as you would with a yo-yo. To add realism, wrap the cable around the outside so the toaster spins just like the real thing. as it hits the bottom of the run just yank it back up.

4. To store TV remote controls
This is great for anyone who watches a lot of TV and eats a lot of toast. Don’t just have the toaster sitting next to you doing nothing. Use it to keep your numerous remote controls neat and tidy and within easy reach. the more RCs you have the more slots you’ll want, but a good 2 slice toaster will probably hold around 4 average sized ones. Photo CC

5. As a mail holder
Don’t leave your mail strewn across the kitchen counter. It looks untidy and ruins the ambience of your home. Sort it out into piles and use the slots to organise it into opened and unopened mail.

If you have more slots you can even prioritise the mail so that you know which items need to be dealt with first.

6 As a hammer
In any average household there’s always something that needs a good smack with a hammer, like a malfunctioning TV or maybe even a nail that needs banging into the wall to hang your car keys on.

Well don’t waste your time going into the cellar to get a hammer–use the toaster. The panels on the end are often more robust than the side panels and you’re less likely to notice the dents.

7. As a paper weight
It’s a hot day but the aircon in your office has broken. You need to keep the windows open to let the breeze in but unfortunately it’s blowing a gale and sending your paperwork everywhere. Keep a toaster on your desk and you’ll be able to keep your desk neat and work through lunch as you munch on your favourite snack.

8. As a door stop
Don’t waste your money buying those really expensive wedge shaped wooden door stops. Use the toaster. It’s heavy enough to stop the kitchen door falling closed, but light enough that you can tap it out of the way with your foot when you want some privacy to eat your breakfast.

9. As a toothbrush holder
The kids are always forgetting to brush their teeth and if you’re not careful they’ll end up looking like Jaws from the James Bond movie.

If they’re forced to remove the brushes before they eat their toast they’re more likely to remember to brush their teeth after wards and enjoy a sparkling smile their whole life.

10. As a mobile for a baby
Hang the toaster from its cord above the baby’s cot and spin it around. The shiny red finish should catch the light and create a pleasing glow for baby to look at. For added sparkle, chose a toaster with chrome trim and this will add a glitter-ball effect.

Okay! Okay! So I was joking around.

Please don’t use your toaster to do anything other than toasting delicious bread in accordance with the manufacturers instructions. If you fool about with electrical appliances it’s dangerous. Don’t do it.

Seriously though, here’s what I really think…

Chose the color red for your toaster if you’ve got a very light bright white or cream kitchen. It will also go well with a very dark kitchen. Those are just my preferences and what works for me. Your tastes may differ.

If you’re likely to use the toaster infrequently, go for a smaller 2 slot / 2 slice model. The 4 slot / 4 slice model will be more expensive and as you’re looking for a cheap model, it probably won’t be as durable as you might hope.

If you want a 4 slot toaster go for a more expensive model. There’s nothing worse than having an element burn out and be left with a bulky kitchen appliance only half of which works. This is where a quality item wins out over the bargain basement version.

Again, if functionality is important to you, you’re not going to get it with the cheapest toasters. You have to get real here and accept that most of the time you get what you pay for.

If you want:

• ‘peek’ functionality ie you can lift the toast briefly to check how it’s doing
• Variable width slots for different thickness of bread
• Crumb tray
• Bagel setting
• Crumpet setting
• Reheat option

…you may need to raise your budget a little.

The best toaster for you is a red one. We’ve established that already, so all you really need to decide upon is what you need it to do and you can set your price range accordingly.

My advice is to go for something you love the look of, and buy the best one you can afford–and if you invest wisely it should last you a long time.

Good luck.

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